Darshini Ink.

I'd been wanting a tattoo for quite some time now, but I wasn't sure what I'd wanted and so never really went ahead with it. Then, sometime last week, when I was running on the treadmill of the office gym along side the ex and the most recent of his young lovers, it struck me that it would be ideal for me to get a tattoo that symbolizes inner strength. 

The break up wasn't easy. I know that it took some courage and strength on my part to survive it. I pride myself in that. I wanted the tattoo to remind me be that way for the rest of my life. 

So, on October 26, Nandu (thank you, for coming with me) and I set out. And, after much running around in the sun, I finally got the tattoo! 

I love it! 

Here's a pic that was taken much later - November 1, 2008 - at Pree's fabulous Gossip Girl party (I'll be posting about it another day) - 

Man! I feel like a woman!

Today, I came in to work 10 minutes later than usual, with two bags in one hand, and a plate of breakfast in the other. I looked for a place to put my bags and plate down, but all my desk space was taken up by this rather large pink teddy bear-

Anyone who knows me will know that I don't quite appreciate anything that is pink, fake, fluffy or meant for kids.  

In expected fashion, I screamed out to no one is general, until my pink-loving neighbor picked it up and took it far far away from me. After putting my bags down, and getting in a bite or two, I spent a few minutes pulling Maya's leg for wanting to use the bear as a training aid. 

An hour later, Sam pings me, saying that the rather large pink teddy bear belonged to someone on the team and that they were upset with the way I'd spoken about it. 

I pinged this owner of the rather large pink teddy bear to apologize, and here's how the conversation went:

Me: hey

Owner of the rather large pink teddy bear: hey sup

Me: hey - i didnt know that the teddy was yours!

i'm just not a big kid or teddy fan -

didnt mean to hurt you in anyway

sorry :(

Owner of the rather large pink teddy bear: okay

cool

Me: Sorry, owner of the rather large pink teddy bear! Please don't take it personally

I'm that way with kids/teddys with everyone!

Owner of the rather large pink teddy bear: cool

Me: :)

Owner of the rather large pink teddy bear: my team gifted it to me

I guess they will feel more bad than me

Me: sorry!

Owner of the rather large pink teddy bear: np

What was she expecting me to say? Did expect me to stand up in the team area and apologize to all those who were responsible for the existence of the rather large pink teddy bear? I didn't feel the need to, and so I didn't bother to say anything more than a "sorry!" We are after all, in a professional environment, and we are all full grown adults. 

A rather large pink teddy bear surely doesn't stand for either the professional environment or for the full grown adults. Why was it such a big deal, then? Did it mean so much to her simply because it still made her feel like a little girl? Did the teddy bear in some way offer her some protection from the real world?

The owner of the rather large pink teddy bear is a classic example of the kind of women who make it harder for other talented and independent women to survive the world - not because they carry around large pink teddy bears, but simply because they are choosing to continue to be girls and not allow themselves to turn into women. They are choosing to be weak and vunerable, and are happy to let the world know. And the world is ready to support and protect them. 

The same world finds it difficult to deal with an independent, talented and powerful woman. 

If a woman displays any kind of work ethic - she's not being flexible.

If a woman has an opinion - she's arrogant.

If a woman is making sense - it isn't going to be scaleable. 

If a woman is pretty - she must be really dumb.

If she isn't pretty - she's a geek.

If the woman's independent - she's a rebel.

If she's influencial - she's manipulative. 

The world (note: I'm not saying 'men,' because most women do this) is ready to support the weak and vunerable woman, calling out for attention. Who'll stand up for the independent, talented and powerful woman, then? It's the other independent, talented and powerful women who are doing this, and will continue to. 

Everyone else is yet to grow up. 

~d

PS- Some would say that I'm just being insensitive. I don't think so. I think I'm just living in the real world, facing real situations and responding to them realistically. 

24

I turned 24 yesterday. I've decided that, every year, I'm going to make one list of all things I loved about the year that went by, and one more for what I'd like to do in the year to come. So, here's to that thought!

23 things I loved about last year*:

01- I spent a lot of time with the Bombay girls. (I need to learn to start calling that place Mumbai.)

02- I found good friends in a lot of people who were earlier just friends. 

03- My job. I've actually enjoyed working on new and challenging tasks this year. 

04- All the traveling! It's been hectic & exciting on the work front, but it's been great on the personal front. 

05- Naagu and Amrith got married. After being apart for all the time that they were together. And, I was there to witness it! 

06- Marloes & Martijn got married. After being together for 8 years. And, I was there to witness it!

07- Vaish and Shakil decided to get married. Next year when I make this list, I hope to say 'NS & Shakil got married.'

08- I started working out more regularly. There is definite space for improvement here, but it's a start nevertheless. 

09- I've spent more time with my Grandma. I'd like to spend more time with her in the next year. 

10- Nandu moved in to the flat upstairs. She has some horrid night shifts, but weekends are fun with her around. 

11- Little Pree got to go to Dublin. 

12- I got promoted and got a salary 'bump.' 

13- I stood up for myself and for what was the right thing to do. 

14- I loved my one-day long Pune trip. Had a fabulous time with Aku! 

15- I learnt the 'hangover' lesson the hard way, and suffered the worst kind of it. Highly doubt I'll be doing 40 odd shots in one night, again! 

16- I fell in love with my iPod. Now, I just can't imagine a life without it. 

17- The little sister went to represent India at the youth world championships in Aarhus. It was tough for her to get there, and tougher for her to last out. But, she fought the odds and performed. I am so proud of her! 

18- I went back to Kodai with my family. Had a great few days, over the New Year celebrations. 

19- India won the first ever individual olympic gold medal. 

20- Appa's decided to retire. He's had a long and exhausting career. It's an early decision, but it's time. And, I'm glad for him. 

21- I was lucky to hear Abdul Kalam live - an experience I'll never forget!

22- I've started to cook & try out new and different things - jello shots, sangria & pancakes!

23- I started blogging. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed writing, until I started again. 

24 things I want to do this year*:

01- Start calling Bombay, Mumbai. 

02- Prioritize everything in life, and get around to tackling it all, one by one. 

03- I want to go bunjee jumping or white water rafting. I think I'd prefer the latter! 

04- I want to go to Jodhpur. 

05- I want to go back to studying, and get myself a degree so I can call myself educated. 

06- I want to be able to drive a car on a road with traffic. Driving on an empty road doesn't count!

07- I want to start up a cooking blog of my own. Not to compete with Naagu's. But, simply to put down some fun recipes for later use. 

08- I want to be more transparent about the way I feel. Sometimes, to be politically correct, I pretend to feel one way, while I'm completely feeling the other way. 

09- I would like to buy more clothes in white and red, and less in black. 

10- I want to learn to forgive. I know I can forget easily. But, I need to learn to forgive, before I forget. 

11- I want to learn to make Baby Guinness, and Bailey's Coffee! 

12- I want to learn to keep in better touch with friends. 

13- I want to get myself a funky new haircut! 

14- I want to go to Bhutan. 

15- I also want to go to Egypt. (Where I'll get the money from, I don't know!)

16- I want to learn how to be smart about my money. 

17- I want to start taking artistic yoga classes. I've heard so much about it, I need to know what it is about. Won't hurt if it helps me loose some weight along the way! 

18- I want to work things out with friends that I've lost along the way. Life's too short to let fabulous people go by. 

19- If I don't like something, I don't want to have to hate the person for doing it or being that way. I want to be able to hate the action, not the person. 

20- I want to be a better listener. When a friend or the voice inside has something to say, I need to listen. 

21- I want to spend more time with my sister, before she grows up. She's already turning 18 this year!

22- I want to be able to dance, without embarrassing myself.

23- I want to learn to be a better judge of people. 

24- I want to turn 25 with a big bang, and no regrets! 

*The lists  are in no particular order.