I'd just started to think that everything would be fine again. And, here was this truth, sticking out in front of me, telling me that it wasn't. I've tried a very long time to see the glass half full. I do believe that things get better. In fact, just the previous day, I'd noticed a sad status message on a friend's facebook profile, and out of concern I'd checked in to see if everything was ok. Here's how our conversation went (slightly edited):
me: if i may ask.. why the sad status?
him: depressing times
me: it will get better
it always does
him: budday soon, and cog-in-the-machine-frustration
me: i can totally relate to that feeling!
him: actually, funnily (albeit in a dark way), it always gets worse
me: no. it doesnt. it always gets better.
and don't you worry - we'll find a way to drive away your brithday blues
him: :)
hopefully the blore and goa trips will provide some momentary relief
me: i'm hoping for the same!
no wait. what nonsense. really. stop being morose.
nothing is so bad
him: hmm yeah
will try to be upbeat
So, as you can see, while I doubt myself at times, at the end of the day, I know that I am the kind of person who believes that it always gets better.
At least that's what I thought, until I found out that it actually gets worse. Once you've tried to be cheery about things for so long, you really start to doubt if the glass is really half full anymore. And then, here is the conversation that followed (again, slightly edited):
me: you're right. it goes downhill.
him: what happens?
me: shit happens. you're so totally right. it doesn't get better. it gets worse. only worse.
...
him: hmm
oye
cheer up
it gets bad
and it gets worse
me: yeah.. i get that
him: but as long as you rant and let it not bog you down, it's perfectly okay
so rant rant rant to everyone of your friends
and go grab some ice cream
me: (bad throat, rmember)
him: then rant about that too
life's unfair
(sorry, i'm pretty cynical)
you call someone you can trust as a friend and rant and rant
me:
trust me, i'll be doing that
It was like I was a different person all together, in just under 24 hours. I had turned cynical too. It bothered me that I was thinking that way. I'd let my doubts get the better of me. Since I couldn't have the ice cream (owing to a bad throat), I ran instead. I went upstairs to the gym and ran. Ran, ran and ran.
Suddenly I found myself thinking straight again. I conquered that doubt. Life is unfair. And life does throw some pretty horrid moments at you. Life gets tough. It's gets bad. And then it does get worse. But, at the end of that, it gets better. It always does.
How it is going to get better, I honestly don't know. But I know that one day it will. And when it does, I'll be posting about it.
Until then, here's to life and all its ups and downs! Cheers!
2 comments:
babes, that tattoo was made for you and I hope you look to it whenever you feel like this. and yes, it always gets better. always.
life can't be unfair all the time.. so don't worry it has no choice but to turn great after some time.. don't let ur glass half full mantra slip down and see how it does magic!
found ur blog on someone's blogroll and liked it a lot! becoming a fan! :)
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