Glass Half Full

The day before yesterday, I received more news. Disgusting news. Sick news. News that made me want to find the nearest bag, and vomit into it. Yes, it was WRT the break up. 

I'd just started to think that everything would be fine again. And, here was this truth, sticking out in front of me, telling me that it wasn't. I've tried a very long time to see the glass half full. I do believe that things get better. In fact, just the previous day, I'd noticed a sad status message on a friend's facebook profile, and out of concern I'd checked in to see if everything was ok. Here's how our conversation went (slightly edited):

me: if i may ask.. why the sad status?

him: depressing times

me: it will get better

it always does

him: budday soon, and cog-in-the-machine-frustration

me: i can totally relate to that feeling!

him: actually, funnily (albeit in a dark way), it always gets worse

me: no. it doesnt. it always gets better.

and don't you worry - we'll find a way to drive away your brithday blues

him: :)

hopefully the blore and goa trips will provide some momentary relief

me: i'm hoping for the same!

no wait. what nonsense. really. stop being morose.

nothing is so bad

him: hmm yeah

will try to be upbeat

So, as you can see, while I doubt myself at times, at the end of the day, I know that I am the kind of person who believes that it always gets better. 

At least that's what I thought, until I found out that it actually gets worse. Once you've tried to be cheery about things for so long, you really start to doubt if the glass is really half full anymore. And then, here is the conversation that followed (again, slightly edited):

me: you're right. it goes downhill.

him: what happens?

me: shit happens. you're so totally right. it doesn't get better. it gets worse. only worse.

...

him: hmm

oye

cheer up

it gets bad

and it gets worse

me: yeah.. i get that

him: but as long as you rant and let it not bog you down, it's perfectly okay

so rant rant rant to everyone of your friends

and go grab some ice cream

me: (bad throat, rmember)

him: then rant about that too

life's unfair

(sorry, i'm pretty cynical)

you call someone you can trust as a friend and rant and rant

me: 

trust me, i'll be doing that

It was like I was a different person all together, in just under 24 hours. I had turned cynical too. It bothered me that I was thinking that way. I'd let my doubts get the better of me. Since I couldn't have the ice cream (owing to a bad throat), I ran instead. I went upstairs to the gym and ran. Ran, ran and ran. 

Suddenly I found myself thinking straight again. I conquered that doubt. Life is unfair. And life does throw some pretty horrid moments at you. Life gets tough. It's gets bad. And then it does get worse. But, at the end of that, it gets better. It always does. 

How it is going to get better, I honestly don't know. But I know that one day it will. And when it does, I'll be posting about it. 

Until then, here's to life and all its ups and downs! Cheers!

From The Heart

Ringo hasn't been well. And now it's gotten worse. He's suffering from a condition called Sub Aortic Stenosis. Apparently, it is very common in his breed. The last one day has probably been his hardest, and there was nothing that I can do. His liver, stomach and lungs are retaining huge amounts of water and that's making it hard for him to breathe, sit or even open his eyes. He is struggling to get from minute to minute. 

 I don't pray much, but suddenly I feel the need to. 

I pray that he'll be fine and will run again. 

I pray that he'll yearn for the weekly vanilla ice cream the way he used to. 

I pray that he'll run to the door everytime he knows someone's back home.

I pray that he'll jump back on to the bed in the middle of the night, to snuggle between the sisters. 

I pray that he'll run down the driveway and into the lift after his regular walk, the way he used to. 

I pray that he'll live his full life, so I can repay him for everything that he's taught me. 

Most of all, I pray that he doesn't suffer, because he deserves none of it.