Just Breathe

R,

I found out on Saturday that you have this heart condition. It broke me. I wish you could have said something earlier. I wish I'd heard it, even without you having to say it. Now on, I promise to listen more carefully. 

I know you can't read this, and you can't respond in words. But, I still want you to hear what I have to say, because you deserve to hear it. 

You've given me a reason to want to come back. When I wanted to run away and hide, you came to me to remind me of what I would loose, if I did. You've made my coming back worth the while. 

You've taught me to be patient and want the simple things in life. The sincerety with with you show gratitude for something as small as two scoops of a local vanilla ice cream, amazes me each time.

Most importantly, you've taught me to love and to be loved. I will always remember that night when we just sat on the bedroom floor and spent time. We did that for a long time. I saw pure love when I looked in your eyes. That, I will never forget.

I want you to know that I'm with you through and through. We're going to fight it. You're going to be fine. And, when that happens, you and I are going to go out and celebrate with two scoops of some very special vanilla ice cream. 

Because you are something so very special!

Yours always...

Hello, again.

Last night, I stayed up talking to A. I've known her 22 years. Yes, that is a long long long time, given that I'm not much older than that. We hadn't really spent time like this, in a very long time. But, being able to talk to and relate to someone from so far back was comforting. It felt good. And more importantly, it felt familiar.


It made me wonder - should we go back to what is familiar, every now and then, to just feel that comfort that you otherwise don't realize you need?

I would like to. Right now, this instant - I want to go back. I want to go back to something that was too far back, and yet not all that long ago. Something that is too far away now. I want to go back there, just to feel that rush once more. This time around, I promise to appreciate it for all that it's worth.

I want to go back, just to be able to say:

- Thank you for the best memories. They'll always stay with me. No matter what.
- I want to help you build that home for the elderly, as I promised.
- I'll always be just a phone call away.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know any better. Please don't hate me.

Today, I want to go back just to say - "Have a Great Day!"

Return to reality.

Am I living in the past? I hope not. Am I living in the present and hoping? Maybe. If so, am I being unfair to what is solely in the present? Possibly.

Like I said, I don't know what is right and wrong. But, I do know that this familiarity is my comfort. I don't know if I will continue to feel this way tomorrow, or even later tonight. But for now, I crave it.


Thanks A, for the lovely conversation. Both of us were tired and sleepy, and had long days ahead of us. But, it was worth every second. You should know that you are more family to me than friend. Also, it's that conversation that's now got me writing this blog*.

*This is my first post on this blog. I've set up blogs before, but they haven't exactly been personal blogs. So, I'll consider this to be my first post on my first blog.